I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
