I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
