Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
