I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
