he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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