my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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