tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
