I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
