Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
