anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
