we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
