"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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