she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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