the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
