party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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