just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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