Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
