I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
