Jerry, you need to find god
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
