I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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