he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
