My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it's like heaven, but drunker
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
