I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
