The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
wanna go halves on a baby?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
