I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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