I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
