I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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