WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
