So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
