Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
