He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
