dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
