I just made out with a guy for $7.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
