I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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