fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
