I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
