Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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