420 ftw
My cat gives me a boner
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
