I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
