It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
