Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
