I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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