there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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