Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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