guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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