Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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