he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
