He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
