Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
