Do you still have your period?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
