I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
