it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
