I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
