All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
